Might Have Been
by angelps7
Summary: [oneshot] Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and you can never have them?
1. Then

**See author's notes on chapter 2 !**

I hope you like this. It is very much based on my own experience… chapter one is basically straight out of my diary, if I had a diary lol. Same with chapter 2… except the ending. Cuz… well, I haven't gotten to that stage of my life yet lol.

And review please :)

**Disclaimer**: The characters all belong to JKR… not me…

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_**Might Have Been**_

_**By angelps7**_

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and you can never have them?

This happens to me everyday.

Not only is he in nearly all of my classes, and we sit so close to each other in most of them, but he might as well be miles away from me.

It's torture to be near him, all the while knowing that he doesn't care about me.

And supposedly, I don't care about him.

I can't talk to him, I can't laugh with him, I can't even stare at him for too long.

There was a time when appearances didn't matter, and we smiled at each other in the hallways, said hello to each other, asked about assignments… back as innocent first years, still finding our places in Hogwarts, our rightful sides.

You would think that I'd soon forget about him, after we realize our opposing beliefs, and that I'd move on, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

I tell myself to find a new crush or to get a new boyfriend. And I did… I've got Draco at my fingertips, and he does anything I want.

I love him, really I do; but he's not Harry… I miss our innocent first year days when we had a chance.

So even though I'm with Draco, I can't bring myself to be happy with him.

Is that horrible of me?

I mean, every day I sit in potions, with Draco on my left side, and he holds my hand in his lap, grinning, playing with our fingers. "Alright there, Pans?" he asks me every day.

It hurts but I assure him that yes, of course I'm fine, and manage a smile, but I can't keep my eyes from wandering across the room, watching _him_ talk with his friends with a smile that reaches his eyes.

It's not always so sad and distant… there are rare occasions that I've looked his way and caught him staring; or we'll cross paths and bump into each other, muttering a small sorry. Or I turn to him and he smiles.

I don't do anything about it though; I just turn away and smile to myself. I feel warm inside, as clichéd as it sounds… it gives me hope, you know? Like I actually have a chance, or something.

But there are those other times, the moments when I insult him and regret it soon after, knowing I've ruined our chances; the times when I wish I could spend - even just a minute- by his side, to hear his voice directed to me and have a conversation with him.

This is the story for every class the Gryffindors share with Slytherins, all throughout my seven years here at Hogwarts.

We only have a couple of months left, and I don't see any changes happening.

We'll share our glances and piercing gazes and small smiles, but he turns away to talk to his two best friends, and I hold Draco's hand, laughing politely at his jokes and appreciating his presence.

Yet for all the words I can say, for all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

Because for us, it might never be.

Our eyes meet from across the Great Hall.

It might never be.

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	2. Now

Okay so I originally had this chapter posted under "**I'd Heard**" as a one-shot, but then I wrote another story and then realized they fit together! So instead of making them separate, I added it to the beginning of this; so this is now a **two-shot**.

I hope you like it. It is very much based on my own experience… chapter one is basically straight out of my diary, if I had a diary lol. Same with chapter 2… except the ending. Cuz… well, I haven't gotten to that stage of my life yet lol.

**Disclaimer:** Eyes, check; hair, check; accent, check; Yep, I am definitely _not _JKR…

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It's not that he was rude; crass, raffish… no.

It's not that he made me feel bad. Nor was he prejudiced, nor was he cruel-hearted. I had no reason to dislike him.

No; he was a gentleman, really. He showed it to everyone, everyone but me.

Why not me?

To be honest, I didn't know.

But I did know that I wanted to see it the most- the gentlemanly side of him. A craving too hard to resist.

I'd heard all about him: a nice, decent boy. More than 'decent' actually- he was the envy of many guys and held many girls' hearts.

I'd heard he was confident, but sensitive. No arrogance, no superior stride in his step.

I'd heard he had a great sense of humour; a subtle type.

They all told me he was easy to get along with ('they' being the others, those unlike me); that he was caring and that most of all, he was forgiving. Hardly known to hold a grudge against a friend.

This one… I found hard to believe. If this was so, why was he uncomfortable approaching me?

Then again, I wasn't exactly a 'friend'.

They all said it, talking about him as if they knew him so well, but did they really?

Everybody had facades; did he?

I'd observe him; I'd spend time with him; granted, I mean I'd spend time in his proximity, unspeaking, unnoticed; but can I, the observer, know him better than the others?

I don't know. It's difficult.

I'd heard he had beautiful eyes, the type that captivate a girl, unwilling to break the gaze.

Although we'd bumped into each other a few times, I've never had the courage to look into his eyes.

Too intense.

It's the only thing I have to hold on to, hiding my feelings for him.

I'd insult him instead.

I'd heard he was a loyal friend, a courageous person.

They always said to me, "Give him a chance, Pansy. Approach him for once. You may be surprised."

I'd ponder the notion, but the opportunity never presented itself.

They always saw the good in him; I saw the bad.

I couldn't help it; I based my opinions on how I was treated. And he treated me like… well, he didn't treat me in any way at all.

Besides, I had a reputation to uphold.

But I'd still hear about what a wonderful guy he was.

I never got the chance to see it directed toward me. That's all I wanted- a moment, because I knew there'd never be more.

And later, many years after Hogwarts, I'd still hear about him.

Heard he's an auror, working (surprisingly) with Draco Malfoy on important cases, living comfortably, ready to welcome the new Mrs. Potter into his life.

Draco received a wedding invitation.

It was late at night, and I was brushing my hair. An owl dropped the ivory envelope on our bed.

I kissed Draco's cheek and wished him fun.

I didn't go.

I heard he looked handsome; that he was a perfect gentleman.

The side I never saw.

She's lucky, whoever she is.

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**A/N:** Well… what do you think? This was my first Harry/Pansy fic, my friend Lylian got me hooked on it. She wrote an AMAZING one!

Feedback would be much appreciated!!


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